From the category archives:

God in Relationship

Pay Attention!

by Pausha Foley on June 24, 2010

I met a man recently. A very interesting man, a man with whom I have some things in common, a man I can relate with in a way I can’t, quite, with my husband. I like this man. I thought today about organizing a project with him, working more closely with him. I shared the idea with Chris, he joked about a romance looming in my future … it was a joke … and it wasn’t.

I looked into how I feel about this man and I noticed that I didn’t know how I feel. There was a fuzzy, cloudy sort of feeling, an unconscious sort of feeling, much like how the body feels after a glass of wine. Not drunk, not out of control but just a little less in control, just a little less present, just a bit less clear.

As I looked into how I feel about this man I realized that in this fuzzy, cloudy space I can be pulled into all sorts of situations, whether I want to or not. There could be all sort of … pulls, seductions, reactions that were not a conscious choice, but that would happen on their own, that would pull me, push me, control me. [click to continue…]

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One Hundred Impossible Ideas in a Hundred Days

by Pausha Foley on June 19, 2010

100. There is no such thing as “impossible”

99. We are present to the fact that the life is our life, that the reality is our reality to do with as we please, because we are really present to ourselves, as ourselves.

98. Whatever trauma, fear, pain is there to stop us from being fully who we are – we don’t let it.

97. Enlightenment is not the end of the journey, rather it’s the very first step.

96. We have ideas, ideas don’t have us. We create explanations and reasons, they do not create us. We are the storytellers who spin the stories.

95. We enjoy the company of people with whom we have nothing in common. [click to continue…]

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It’s not love if it hurts

by Pausha Foley on May 29, 2010

I love the “Ally McBeal” TV show. I’ve been watching it back in Poland, and I am watching it again now. It’s about many things, this show, but mostly it is about love. Or what is called love. Or what is considered love.

I watched an episode last night. It was about people wanting to get other people to be with them rather that with someone else, it was about who will get whom, away from whom, to be with whom. It was about who will have whom, who will get whom, and who will not. And everyone in the episode was unhappy. Literally everyone. And they all talked about love. [click to continue…]

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Autoportrait

May 13, 2010

I drew my face the other night. It’s not an easy task, not for me anyway. It was hard, frustrating, challenging and delightful. I stared at my face in the mirror, stared at what was supposed to be my face on the page, at lines, shapes, curves, shadows, highlights, at the marks my pencil made [...]

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The Sin of Selfishness

May 3, 2010

“Some people help others just to make themselves feel better than they really are.”
I read this sentence and thought: “helping others only to make yourself feel better is not a good thing. It is selfish, it’s cheating, manipulation. It is wrong to want something for yourself. The real, praiseworthy and honorable deed, is the one [...]

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Action – Reaction

April 17, 2010

My husband and I had dinner last night in a little restaurant, right on the beach. It was a late evening, the sun was setting and the ocean glowed, blue and green with golden highlights. There were misty cliffs at the far end of the beach, there were little children playing in the sand, there [...]

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Don’t waste your life

March 3, 2010

How can life be wasted? What does it even mean: wasted life? A friend told me today about her father informing her, that she wasted her life, and it stuck with me, because I could not see how she could do such a thing. I could not see how life could be wasted.
Am I wasting [...]

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Must we be good?

January 16, 2010

The last few months were pretty hard for me. Nothing was happening outside, but inside there were realities collapsing, there was death and distraction, pain and sickness. There was opening and falling and reconstructing and falling apart. It kept me very busy, always focused inward, inside. I haven’t seen it like that though, there was [...]

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This is just how it is

January 6, 2010

“New world is here. Life opportunities are only how uniqueness opens a space for invitations for us to graduate from being good. Beyond uniqueness is the opportunity called originality in relationship, which redesigns what can be”. Said Brooks.
Funny he should say that, I thought just now as I read it. I thought about this just [...]

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All we need is love

December 28, 2009

“I don’t care about people” I realized a while ago. we were walking dogs at night, my husband and I. We talked about something relationship-related. There was trouble in our relationship for a while, we talked a lot about it, and I was pondering and considering. And I realized that I don’t care about people.
I [...]

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