by Pausha Foley on August 25, 2010
The cedar grove is very quiet. Not silent – there are birds singing their songs, there is wind playing in the branches, little furry creatures scurrying through dry pine needles and pieces of bark, but all those sounds do not disturb the quiet stillness. Old trees, trees that stood there for hundreds of years, with their massive trunks scarred by burns and cuts – they are quiet, they communicate, they relate in the quiet, still space. They hold it and create it. This is how they are.
And when you sit under those trees the quiet sips into you and enfolds you, and you become part of it. You become the holder of the quiet space, though not a silent space. There are sounds, but there is no noise anymore, not inside. Trees speak to you, and you become like trees. Quiet. [click to continue…]
by Pausha Foley on August 11, 2010
A funny thing has been happening to me. It’s a series of little realizations, coming one after another, each one of them incredibly unlike me. Every next one is more incredibly unlike me than the last.
What IS like me is to be withdrawn, separated, aloof, fiercely independent and always distant. It is like me to not need people, to not need relationships, closeness, to be alone, to want to be alone.
But a while ago, few months ago, I realized that I am afraid of people. I realized that I am scared of being present in relationship with another person. This was different from what I believed before, when I thought that I simply don’t need to be in relationship. I realized that I might not need to be in relationship, but I am also afraid to, and so I decided to deal with this fear. [click to continue…]
by Pausha Foley on August 6, 2010
My husband told me today that I have an incredible life.
“Pausha, you have an incredible life” he said, “you work very little, and when you do, your work is the making of pretty pictures. You have a husband who loves you unbearably much, and you are an inspiration to your friends. You live in the most beautiful place, right in nature, and you have an access to a cabin in the mountains, and you have a horse. Your life is incredible”.
“Life IS incredible, for everyone”, I said, “only people make too much noise to notice”.
“You make plenty of noise”, said my husband.
“Yes I do, outside”, I said, “but I don’t make much noise inside”.
The cedar grove is very quiet. Not silent – there are birds singing their songs, there is wind playing in the branches, little furry creatures scurrying through dry pine needles and pieces of bark, but all those sounds do not disturb the quiet stillness. Old trees, trees that stood there for hundreds of years, with their massive trunks scarred by burns and cuts – they are quiet, they communicate, they relate in the quiet, still space. They hold it and create it. This is how they are.
